Monday, August 25, 2008

Convention Olympics: Oratorical Gymnastics

To determine start value:
Base = 2
Points added: 
+1 for electeds
+2 for state-level
+3 for federal-level
+4 for celebrities
-1 for retireds
+2 for swing staters
+5 for (past) presidential candidates
+2 for keynote
+2 for Presidential nominee
+1 for Vice Presidential nominee


Execution Points:
+.5 for making you laugh
+.5 for goosebumps
+1.0 for tears 
+.25 for funny "7 houses" reference (each)
-.25 for not funny "7 houses" reference (each)
+.25 for Lieberman reference (each)
-.25 for mispronounciation (each)
-.25 for historical slip up (each)
-.25 for referring to a no-longer-existing country (each)
+.5 for best dressed of night (male and female)
-.25 for bad suit (F)/bad tie (M)
+1.0 for standing ovation
+.5 for good stage presence
-.5 for Nader-mocking
-.25 for mention of "change we can believe in" (each)
-.25 for 5+ uses of 'literally'

eloquence measured on a -3 to +3 scale (award a value)

N.B. everything doubled for Obama

Start Value + Execution Total = Total Points

Monday, August 18, 2008

Summer So Far

things that are good:
OLYMPICS
cupcakes 
milkshakes (toasted marshmallow is preferable)
frozen yogurt (no theme running here)
visits
sundresses
mail
a cool breeze

things to watch out for (and, if seen, avoid):
surprise assholes
athletes made of kryptonite 
bros

ADDENDUM: 
things that are extra and always good: alyson anne cohen